postcards from another life

So, i started another blog centred around my SL snapshots.   As well as documenting aspects of my SL (like the time my partner and i went out in my speedboat and ended up almost buried under a ton of foliage), it's intended as an outlet for my imaginative side (yes, i have one).  

It's not a blog about SL photography about which i know little.  Rather, it's a blog about the symbiotic relationship between words and pictures, and how they each spark off the other. 

That, or it's a bunch of snapshots with captions attached. :-P 

Postcards From Another Life

Your Definition of "Drama" - Part Two

I was confident when i entered the virtual world that my RL had taught me the people and situations to avoid. That said,  i'd probably have blushed and thanked you had you told me that i had a nice ass by way of your opening line.  That's how cabbage-coloured i was.  Looking back, it's apparent that i did what i've always done in RL which is to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they reveal their true colours -- at which point it's too late and i'm left with a hole in my heart. 

[Just to clarify, i had never sought a partner; i had never tried to rein anyone in or turn them into my "BF".  It took me many months before i finally got it:  I'm simply not suited to having multiple "friends with benefits".  Too many benefits, not enough friendship.   It's surely a term invented by men, for men, to describe a plentiful supply of sex without strings.  Kudos to the females who enjoy the arrangement or seek nothing more, or who are actively looking for same.  I actually thought that was me for a time]. 

I don't have any beef with the immersionists or those who are living a second life truly of the imagination.  If you're a male in Real Life and you want to present as female in SL -- or anything else you fancy, be it animal, vegetable or mineral -- it's entirely your right.  Your world; your imagination.  It's only a problem if the person you're "playing" opposite isn't on the same page.

I fully accept there are those who aren't immersionist or imaginative in any way beyond satisfying their own personal wank fantasies.  If that's the way you choose to play, you have my blessing.  Go forth and ,errr, have "fun" or whatever it is you call it in your profile.

What i don't accept are those who try to involve one in the same scenario under false pretences.  Fine, if fapping on your thing is what motivates your SL, but don't pretend it's not what you're here for.  And don't assume the person you just met knows the score.  Unless they're an obvious alt with "here for fun" all over their profile, better assume they don't.  This applies double if they're a couple months old with a bit of newb still in them (and i don't mean freenis, lol).

But seriously, guys, what's wrong with paying an escort?   Escorts are a viable commodity, and people can and do pay for the privilege of using one. Both parties are aware from the outset that it's a business contract.  There are set roles.  There are rules and boundaries.  If you can afford your internet connection and a PC on which to run SL you can shell out a few thousand L to hire an escort.

You might ask, but why shell out for something you can get for nothing?  That's a good point, IF you're 100% certain you're getting it for free.  If, on the other hand, you're generating drama (which is what you do when you're dishonest about your intentions and, btw, please don't even think about laying the blame elsewhere) then it's not "free" at all.   It costs the other person;  it costs you.  It's actually kind of expensive and not worth it.  Capiche?

Final word:

Any time i've dumped an assload of drama on someone's head (I'm reminded of that manure truck in Back to the Future Part One, lol) they pretty much deserved it.  At best, they handled a certain situation really badly.  Why would i just walk away and 'take it'?  I'm not here to turn the other cheek.  I daresay there are those who do, but i will not.  I say, be proud you're not an automaton and unleash your inner drama ho.

Your Definition of "Drama" - Part One

This post was going to be entitled Thoughts on SL Partnering - Part Three.  But then it turned into a rant instead.  I make no apologies for that.  There's nothing like uncorking a decent rant and getting it all out (there).  I suppose, too, i wanted to talk a bit about how my views had changed, or appeared to have changed.  Of course, it all depends on how well you know me.   To some, this will come as no surprise at all, and i call those people friends in the real sense and meaning of the word.  I know you know who you are.   <3

It's true that in 16 months i'd never partnered here, and doubted that i would.  I thought i was dead set against it.  I liked the idea of variety and talked about it a lot.  The idea.  But having an idea of something isn't the same as experiencing it.  What was supposed to add spice only gave me a severe case of irritable bowel.  Again, i'm fortunate that i had -- and have -- a few good friends worth any number of 'variety packs'. 

In short, i had multiple hook-ups and kidded myself  I was having "fun".  Oh, i tried really hard!   Unfortunately, I'm far from dead inside and I feel things.  FYI, the expression of such is not 'drama' and those who believe it is might like to be honest about their intentions from the get-go.

Eg:  "I regard my SL as a sex game / casual dating game.  What's your view on this, and how do YOU play?" 

Of course, the sh*ts never come right out and say it,  'cos they know it decimates the chances of them actually getting any.  They may be sh*ts but they're not stupid.  That's what makes them dangerous.  I call them predators.

Initially, I was flattered to be getting so much attention.  I've never had that in RL, being somewhat the shy and retiring type.  In Second Life, i am not.  It was a revelation.  I was even vain enough to think that it was my witty and erudite conversation that was drawing in the guys.  How green was i.  The only reason i was getting so much attention was due to the places i hung out and the type of people i ran up against.  TBH, any avatar with female 'humps' will likely draw the same attention;  it's practically guaranteed.  Add to this the fact that I'd never cyber-sexed before and didn't understand that the majority of my so-called 'admirers' were looking for a quick fap fap fap behind the anonymity of their keyboards, and nothing more.

There are guys in SL who, in order to seduce me (yes, the ME inside me) would give me to believe i was the most awesome creature imaginable.  To hear them talk, it wasn't just my avie;  it was my personality, my intellect;  it was this, it was that and the other.  They "never wanted to lose me", etc, etc.  They'd worm their way in, enjoy my company and warmth;  the benefit of my superior and well-crafted emotes (always freshly minted for the occasion, if i do say so myself).  Then would follow the denouement; the kick me in the teeth; the  SL equivalent of, "Oh, but i'm not that into you", should i demonstrate the barest hint of real, human feeling.  Inevitably, any protest on my part would be greeted with an accusation of 'drama', that ubiquitous 'get out of jail free' card.  How original!  How callous.  Funny how it's me who's in the wrong for - zomg! - taking it all so seriously.  Funny, 'cos from where i'm standing it wasn't me who was being disingenuous or outright dishonest.  

So, this is to you.  And not forgetting you. And i definitely haven't forgotten about YOU, either.    Yes, you may go and fuck yourselves, by all means. It's what you're here for, after all: You and your right hand and your miserable one-handed typing skills.  Just leave me the hell out of it, k?

We Do Not Fraternise With The Freenis

My friend, Xanthe,  asked me to write a notecard that she could give to some of the newb guys she's helping out.  My initial thought was 'rather her than me'.  Helping newbs is about as enjoyable as tooth extraction, only infinitely slower and the pain is more drawn out.  Note that i differentiate between 'newbs' and 'noobs'.  They don't become 'noobs' until they've made their first unwanted sexual advance, bobbing up, sans AO, in front of some unsuspecting female.   They don't seem to realise that they can IM from a distance but rather loom up in front of one like a sartorially challenged jack-in-the-box.  In short, they've all the social flare of your average dung beetle.

Xanthe knows everything there is to know about shape creation, and making your avatar look good  -- with one exception.  And this is where i come in.  'Cos if there's one thing i'm qualified to speak about it's the SL penis. I'm sure i could witter on for hours about the different varieties available and their various functions, but i'll keep it brief.  The following is for the gentlemen out there, as well as the not-so-gentle (equal footing, level playing field and all that).  Should you follow the advice below, it's guaranteed you'll look at least  halfway respectable in the tackle department;  I'll bring the sandwiches, you bring the rod.  Actually, let's not do that.  I have a partner to think of, you know.  ;-)

The following comprises the notecard i wrote for Xanthe's newb guys, and i hope it may be of use.

******

Male "Attachments" and Where to Purchase

Unless you've got your eyes sewn shut you'll have noticed that Linden Lab omitted a certain something when they created the default male avatar.   By design or accident, your newly rez'd friend lacks one essential piece of equipment.

As ludicrous as it sounds, you're going to have to BUY your own rod / wand / stick / insert coy euphemism here. Even if you don't see yourself using it straightaway, chances are that at some point you'll be looking to acquire one.  PLEASE, if you buy nothing else, DO purchase a quality "attachment".  The freebie ones simply aren't up to the job and they look ridiculous. .All women know a "freenis" when they see one and we scoff at them.  We're too polite to say anything, but we're masters of the secret smirk.  How else to conceal our disappointment?  Worse, we laugh at you for thinking you can get away with it.

To help you out, i've copied in a few useful landmarks  where you can pick up something that won't get you laughed out of the bedroom.  Not only do these attachments look somewhat realistic, they're scripted to do everything a real penis does.  You can re-size, re-position and re-colour to your heart's content.  Most - if not all - come with a hud to enable you to match the colour of your new toy to the rest of your skin. This is an absolute MUST -- an orange cock isn't going to get you very far, no matter how generous the proportions.   Get the colour right and you're halfway there.  Get the dimensions correct (i.e., proportionate to your frame and not hung like the proverbial horse) and success is practically guaranteed.  It only remains for you to get the girl.  :-)

The Landmarks:

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Virtual%20Artworks/86/167/24

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Midnight%20Lotus/138/62/27

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Qoltar/224/182/26

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/REALASM/170/171/432

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Eventide%20East/108/125/35

Final Word:

As with so much else in our wonderful Second Lives, there's an etiquette to using / wearing an attachment.  You shouldn't be wearing your cock anywhere other than on Adult rated land;  Mature land is generally considered OK if it's within the privacy of your own home.

Running around with an erection and "flashing" it at random females will make you look like the worst kind of noob.  Doing this on PG land will get you booted, as well as a possible AR. Don't do it.

Last but not least, DO have a wonderful, enjoyable and sexy SL.  I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours.  :-)

Single No Longer

Now that i'm partnered i probably should rename my blog.

Yes, partnered -- to a sweetly exotic, utterly delectable young man who has me so tingly and floaty, i wouldn't be surprised if i suddenly sprouted rainbow wings and discovered i could fly for realz, sans flight feather! Picture me lazily treading clouds, dropping gummi bear "glad tidings" like so much sticky confetti -- after having bitten their tiny heads off, of course. :-P

I NEVER expected to meet someone special here; it's good to know i can be taken by surprise sometimes.

What's more, i totally get it. Forget what i said in the past -- i don't need to question any more WHY people would want this. It's such a wonderful, close connection that goes way beyond anything else i've experienced inworld.

I couldn't care less what i call my blog right now. **smiles dreamily**

Please DON'T emote me, baby

Men creating female alts. Why and for what purpose?

Perhaps we should ask them?



Now i don't know for a fact that these two are guys, but i'd say the likelihood is pretty high -- the percentage of males posing as females is, allegedly, something in the region of 40%.

So i look at these two, and i run through my mental check-list:

Mega-slutty outfit? Check.

Boobage the size of watermelons? Check.

Shoulders too wide? Could be. Hard to see from the picture, I know.

Waist ridiculously narrow? Actually, no. Unusual to get that one right, so perhaps these are females, after all. Your average female avie with male typist has a ridiculously narrow waist -- a wasp waist -- albeit a "wasp" with a severe eating disorder. Thank heavens one doesn't, in SL, actually require use of one's vital organs 'cos it just ain't happening. Ask the Victorians.

Long blonde hair? Gotta be. Though for some unknown reason jet black locks are also quite the thing. If it's cheap-looking and resembles freebie hair, so much the better.

Inferior skin? Okay, so these two aren't bad, in spite of the nasty makeup. I've seen many a so-called model or exotic dancer whose skin had all the definition of a suet pudding. This has always puzzled me. My fashionista friends and I all take great pride in our avies. Why wouldn't an escort or dancer or *shudder* 'playmate' do the same? If anything, they should look substantially better than *I* do. Most look as though they've been dragged bodily from some anonymous info-hub where noobs gather.

/Me wonders if these two lovelies work in a club? More power to them if they do; someone's got to help pay for teh sexeh attire. The way they look, they certainly could pass as exotic dancers -- which links in nicely with the title of my post. (LOL! You think writing this stuff is easy? You should try it sometime).

DO let's bring on the erotic emotes. Only please don't do it in my hearing, as i just may have to kill you. Nothing's guaranteed to kill the mood more effectively than some scantily dressed ninny on a dance pole regurgitating sex-speak in ungrammatical english. Not that i'm suggesting for one moment that these two lovely ladies are anything other then skilled professionals in whichever line of employment they pursue. Sadly, not everyone is. I note that one can now purchase an "emoter" on SL Marketplace (formerly X-Street) for the grossly inflated price of L650. Yes, it really IS just a bunch of notecards with phrases on -- phrases which, according to the somewhat mixed reviews, are every bit as poorly worded and lacking in originality as anything you might possibly come up with yourself. Ladies, if you can't write your own emotes i'd respectfully suggest that you may be in the wrong profession. For the love of Venus, please know how to use words and imagery effectively before you even think of getting your kit off in a club and touting for lindens.

I return to my two ladies above. Or should that be "ladies"? I make no judgement regarding males posing as females. It's a virtual world; as far as i'm concerned, you can be what the hell you like. But it bears repeating: they're out there and you can spot them. At least, some of the time you can spot them. *Nods*

Double date, anyone?

***** End *****

Advice for the Male Newb (aka 'Noob') in Second Life -- the Importance of 'Fixing up' Your Avatar

I don't know why you're here. I don't want to know, for the most part, unless we have interests in common. However, if you've come inworld to look for free sex - and i know a lot of you do -- you'd better at least look the part. We can talk about things like charm and personality and s.o.h. elsewhere, but if you're serious about enticing the opposite sex you need first to look at your avatar. This may come as news, but women also enjoy looking at something well put together.

Let's not mince words here. There’s something ludicrous – even off-putting – about newbs who haven't yet learned how to dress themselves trying to hook up for sex. If you're going to treat SL as a sex game, then learn how to play it with distinction. And the first step is for you to be wearing clothes that fit you and which are not - i cannot stress this enough - full perm. There's nothing in the rules to suggest you have to look halfway decent (in fact if you ever find a list of rules, please tell me) but, as in RL, if you turn up at a singles bar with your underwear outside your clothes you fail.

Designers are forever improving their work and bringing out new items to make you look good. Whatever you've got now, please consider upgrading it: skin, hair, eyes, AO. And not forgetting clothes if you actually own any (and i don't mean system clothes or that freebie t-shirt you retrieved from your "library"). Moreover, it's kind of creepy if you're seen wearing the same shirt and pants for months on end. You wouldn't do it in RL so please don't assume it goes un-noticed here. There's NO excuse for such laziness. Really, any woman will tell you the same; any woman who isn't a man, that is. Still wearing that same hair a friend gave you when you were a newb? I think it's time you got a restyle.

I can't tell you exactly what constitutes an attractive male shape as taste varies, but i do know that pushing any of the sliders up to the max isn't it. That triangular shaped torso you favour? We laugh at it. Females do it so much better! For one thing, they don't give off such a whiff of desperation. And the ones who do look a bit crap are very likely men. [You think we can't tell? The breasts are too large, they're joined together in the middle (it's called a cleavage layer; you're supposed to wear it with clothes, duh!), the waist is minute and the shoulders a mile wide. You guys really love your triangular shapes!]

When it comes to eyes, there's a pervading cult of "will this do-ism" which remains prevalent even amongst those on their 2nd or 3rd alt and who really should know better. Those soulless, opaque orbs really aren't helping you any. I shouldn't need to say it, but the eyes that came attached to your default avatar Will. Not. Do. Get your eye colour wrong and it messes up the entire face. Step past the turquoise eyes please; move along, move along. The same goes for that hideous shade of frogspawn green (the ruin of many a promising face). It just looks WRONG.

Ditto grotesquely over-sized genitalia. A LITTLE exaggeration's fine (we’d worry if you didn’t) but an elephant's trunk makes it look as though you're over-compensating. Moreover, it's not really fit for purpose, is it? **Female avie glances down and observes strange fleshy protruberance punching its way through her stomach** Not so much "Nine and a Half Weeks" as "Alien", i'd say.

DO consider using some sort of Animation Overrider (AO). The default stand is a no-no. It makes you look like a chimpanzee. Yes, we DO notice and it DOES matter. When i see that stance on any man, i move away pronto. I don't know what it's called, but there's a popular AO that has the guy wandering around in circles. That's not very polite, is it, when you're trying to engage a lady in conversation? Oh, and that nodding movement of the head every time you type a line? Every bit as horrid as the typing anim. Lose it.

The following are unacceptable under any circs:

Bling;

Body oil;

Goat legs (ask Squashy – it's been months and she's still tramumatised);

And not forgetting -- tadah! -- our old friend, the freenis. Most ladies do not fraternise with the freenis.

The freenis is pale, misshapen, oversized and protrudes at an exaggerated angle. It is inherently incapable of dangling companionably against a male thigh. It never ever matches the avatar's skin which is, for some reason, always a deep shade of tan. There are many varieties of freenis but the most offensive is possibly the "uncut" variant. Think of a sausage roll with the filling poking out. Trust me, it is VILE.

Squashy had several close encounters with the freenis. It only stopped when i advised her in no uncertain terms that if she ever did it again she'd be deleted, no questions asked. For example, on one occasion, the South Carolina 'ribbon' blithely told her in the middle of the non-event that was their coupling that, yes, he fully intended to replace his noobstick "but only when the time was right". Way to go, South Carolina! How sensitive! This is the same chap who, too mean to purchase his own sex furniture, used to spend much of his SL time "breaking and entering" in order to use other people's. I knew there was a reason for that security orb! *hurls him and his nasty noob cock into digital hyperspace*

Now, where was i?

Ah, yes. Fixing up one's avatar. It's not THAT difficult. And it's really the least you can do if you want to meet some 'nice' ladies and, uhm, take things further. Really, it needn't be expensive at all. I personally know several guys (at least i assume they're guys) with great looking avies who barely spent a penny on their look. In fact, all you need do is follow a few freebie blogs and join some groups; that way you get your hands on a ton of good quality free stuff. Trust me, designers give away great gifts ALL the time. (Only please don't spam the groups for sex; you'll be booted out quicker than you can say 'noobstick'). Do, however, avoid the huge boxes of free shite at those warehouse type places. That mountain of tat will still be there in a couple of years' time when you find your inventory running you instead of the other way round (yes, we know you guys can't manage inventory; that goes without saying).

If you're serious about finding someone to perch on a pink poseball for you, at least make youself look presentable. Without a modicum of effort on your part you're not getting any. And neither should you.

~