Perhaps i enjoy snooping profiles too much. Perhaps the more lack-lustre type of profile is endemic to the places I frequent and the type of people I run into. Or I'm just too demanding. Or I have impossible standards. It could be that others simply don't enjoy scribbling; I can see how writing one's profile might seem a bit of a chore and an unnecessary one at that.
I still think profiles are important. Secondary to your avatar, your profile is your initial presentation to the (virtual) world. It can say a little or lot -- it's up to you -- but it's your one chance to give something positive and interesting of yourself before anyone hits the IM button; a great opportunity to draw people in and encourage them to want to get to know you.
On the other hand, it could be you're here solely to explore and have no wish to interact ever, in which case long may you enjoy your self-imposed isolation and I hope you find much to entertain you.
You can find my list of annoying profile mess-ups below. It's not conclusive, it's horribly pedantic, it’s meant to be somewhat entertaining. I suspect that few of us are immune, even me (and I wrote the damn thing, lol). Any additions to the list are welcome, but please don’t feel you have to go in-world and look me up for the purpose of ripping into me. I'm not touting my profile as being uppermost amongst the great and the good, but it's still likely better than yours. :-)
1. The Blank Profile
I ignore blank profiles and the people who own them. Why would I not? I don't know what to say to you (yes, this is me, who's never stuck for words). Furthermore, if you IM me and I then discover your profile is blank (which will take me all of 5 seconds), I'm going to ask you why you haven't filled it in. I'm like that. :-P
2. The Almost Blank Profile
These are the ones that are permanently "under construction"; the ones containing a single "enigmatic" statement. For example, "If you come to a fork in the road, take it". I wish i'd kept walking.
This type of profile overlaps with:
3. The "Inspirational" Quote (or Well-Worn Homily) Profile
Irritating enough on a door-sized poster with polar bears on it; mind-numbingly un-inspirational when it appears within some bozo's profile picks. One to avoid.
4. The "I Loved Him But He Done Me Wrong (And I Hope He's Reading This, the Bastard)" Profile
This sort of profile is full of statements along the lines of, "my only mistake was loving you too much" and "why do only good people get hurt?" These profiles are rather sad and I don't mean that in a derisory way. Because if one thing's certain, it's that your ex really isn't stalking your profile like you hoped he would. He doesn't care. That's why he's a bastard, see?
5. The Song Lyric Profile
Pffffft. Okay, so I do have a little gem of a song lyric sandwiched shyly between a couple of disclaimers. It's a well-known song lyric which accompanies a snapshot. Lyric and snapshot go together perfectly. Snapshot was taken by me. What can I say, other than my exception proves the rule. :-P
6. The Gallery of Women You've
The last time i saw someone with this kind of profile, he was gyrating naked in the middle of a popular naturist resort, his pale body attached to a dark tan penis of generous proportions. Why those women haven't yet clubbed together and bought him some decent tackle is a mystery.
7. The Threatening Profile
This profile hints loudly at some previous drama and is often couched in ghetto-ised language alongside a blurry SL snap of the profile owner's "bitch(s)". An example might read, "this is mah bioch. u mess with mah girl an i’ll kick yore ass & cutchoo".
8. The Arrogant or Boastful Profile
Perhaps it's just me but I've always hated trumpeting. Hearing/seeing others trumpeting is always cringe-worthy. E.g., "I am the funniest person you will ever meet" or, "a lot of people ask me what it takes to get a space in my profile picks" (no smidgeon of irony, either – such a shame).
Okay, so perhaps I've got it all wrong and you really are all that, and good for you. I just think that a little modesty never hurt anyone. As to the "funniest person I will ever meet", how will you prove that? I don't believe you.
And while I'm on the subject, never refer to yourself as "cerebral" or "smart"; it sounds stupid and it makes you sound stupid. It's as if you're overly concerned that others won't notice how clever you are. In which case, could it be that your attributes are extremely well hidden? So well hidden as to be non-existent?
9. The Conversational Snippets Profile
I hate to break it to you, but those segments of "witty" conversation between you and your friend/lover, carefully copied and pasted into your profile picks are not moments of comedy genius. You are not SL's answer to Flanders and Allen/Derek and Clive/insert name of famous comedy duo here. You are NOT universally funny. Oh, and you really, REALLY had to be there.
10. The Newb Profile
Acceptable if you're less than 2 months old, but otherwise a big no-no. In other words, profile picks that comprise a ton of Zyngo sites are not terribly encouraging. It's ok to be new, but not perma-new.
11. The 'Some Old Bollocks Along the Lines of "RL is RL and SL is SL"' Profile
Take an extra black mark if you use that exact turn of phrase. Not only is it trite and unoriginal, it's also completely false. Of course there's an overlap. Of course they spill over into each other. How much or how little is up to you, but they're seldom 100% distinct. Without any bleed-over, your SL's going to be somewhat shallow (committed RP-ers are different, that goes without saying).
You're also assuming that anyone's interested in your pathetic little RL. Trust me, no-one wants to look at your RL picture; your avatar looks a hundred times better any day.
Ditto, any old bollocks along the lines of, "there are real people behind the avatars". Well, what did you think was making them move and speak? The gremlins in your monitor? The gremlins inside your brain-space, more like. Numbskull!
12. The Illiterate Profile
I'll let you off confusing "your" and "you're". But only 'cos it's so common an error, it's actually a rarity for anyone to get it right. That said, using letters as text (e.g., U as a pronoun) makes you sound like a dumbass. You could be a molecular scientist for all I care, you still sound like a dumbass. It doesn't encourage me to want to talk to you; it makes me want to run away with my hands over my ears, screaming.
13. The 'Endless Gushing About Your Hubby/Wife/Partner/Lover' Profile
Yes, yes, you're in love and you want the whole world to know just how wonderful he/she is and how happy you are. ONE profile pick is sufficient. All nine? I hate your lover already, and I never even met him/her.
14. The Stupid, Fancy, Illegible Font Profile
Always used by those with nothing to say. Always completely unreadable. Might as well leave the thing blank, except, see # 1 above.
15. The Sexual Preferences Profile (99 times out of 100 it's BDSM)
Again, a single profile pick will suffice. Otherwise it looks as though you have zero interests except that one. For instance, if I IM you, should i expect that you're going to talk about BDSM the whole effing time? On second thoughts, I don't think I'll bother.
16. The "No Drama" Profile
Look, if you’re the sort of person who has to write "no drama" in their profile, chances are you've been up to your neck in it at some point, as in, great, steaming piles of it. Chances are you've generated a fair proportion of said drama yourself by being an insensitive ass.
If i see "no drama" in someone's profile then I'm pretty certain that drama clings to them like a tic to a horse's bum. "No drama" says, "I blame everyone else for the chaos that surrounds me, even though I'm the prime cause of it."
And not forgetting the "no drama – I'm here to have fun!" variant. What this basically means is, "I'm here for sex; I don't have any feelings and I don't want to know about yours. However, I'm too scared to say it upfront in case no-one wants to have sex with me. Therefore, I'll just assume that everyone knows "fun" is a euphemism for "sex" even when it isn't, and if anyone gets hurt i'll yell "drama!" at them. Because i am only here for FUN, gottit?"
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