Sunday 17 July 2011

Take Care aka Don't Take Care

I was going to post this a few months back but for some reason, never did.  I post it now because all bar one of those partnerships are dissolved, about which i make no comment.  I'm not including my own here which is beyond astonishing and incredible and the most amazing thing ever to happen to me in SL.  I've been lucky.  :-))

*****

It's a fact that when i was single in SL i avoided those who were partnered.  It wasn't 'cos  i couldn't "get with" them and therefore didn't consider them worthy of my time (there are those who do act and feel that way).  It was more a case of them not having the time to be any sort of  friend or companion, so what was the point in getting to know them?  Partnered folks most like spending time with their partners.   Since then, i'm happy to say i've been proved wrong.  I've also been proved right.

When i got partnered i was determined not to become that partnered person with no time for their friends.  I'm not speaking of close friends, here.  Rather, it's the folks one used to spend time with / converse with, who themselves got partners!

The other day, i had the idea that i'd hit someone up so as not to break the contact. I hate for my 'friends list' to be just a list, so i thought i'd crack the incipient ice, and say "hi".  I knew immediately i was getting the brush off.  It was the, "i really don't wanna talk to you but i'll be grudgingly polite though without really saying anything" conversation, culminating in the meaningless "take care" closure which is often the clearest indication that they don't.

Yes, they were polite.  No, they weren't mean or horrid.  So what, exactly, is my problem?  Good question.  To be honest, it has a lot to do with me not having the thickest of skins.  But there are ways of giving someone the "brush off" that sound a little less offhand and a little more as though you might intend to talk to them again at some point.  And if you don't, then remove me from your list and i needn't concern myself further.   As i've indicated, i don't play the numbers game and i'd far rather have a list of actual contacts than a list of names who don't wish to talk to me.  'Cos you didn't and you don't and it was crystal clear, kthanxbai.

You see, i understand "busy" and i can totally go with, "now isn't a good time, i'm a little  tied up, i'll shout you later".  But that's not what i got. Whether it's a lack of social acumen, i'm not sure, but i can smell the vibe of boredom/uninterest from all the way across the Atlantic.  It's insulting.

Yes i know i have a thin skin.  It's roughly the thickness of an onion skin layer, and tears easily.  This is because the onion skin layer is taped across an enormous fissure which never heals.  Telling me to grow a thicker skin really isn't going to do a lot.  I can't decide to grow one of those any more than i can make my hair grow faster.  And it's really no-one's fault.  Well, no-one in Second Life, anyhow.

FWIW,  telling me to "TC" is worse still!  If you can't be bothered to type it, then you can't be bothered, full stop.  Yes, it matters.  To me, it matters.  The only time it doesn't is when you're one of my 4 or 5 closest, in which case you can pretty much say what you like. 

To the rest of you:  please don't brush me off with a "take care"or "TC".   If you can't give me the time of day, then delete and have done.  It's infinitely more honest.