Marriage in Second Life is a mystery to me. Partnering is a puzzle. I'll admit to feeling vaguely disappointed that no-one over asked, but it's a virtual disappointment; skin deep, at best. And if you knew me In-world you'd know that I change my skin on a regular basis. Funny how I can't do that in Real Life. Funny how the Virtual World isn't real. I hate to break it to you -- *whispers* -- but neither is your marriage.
There I've said it. Now I'm going to be blunt:
An SL marriage is a pale imitation of its first life cousin; a ghost of a marriage. I simply don't get it. It's not the fact that the cake's inedible; nor the inconvenience of the entire sim crashing at the *exact* moment when the bride turns to her betrothed and says, ' I do'. It's the desire to do "the married thing" itself that baffles me - that whole "RL is RL and SL is SL, and yes, I really am that stupid and determined to make my SL mimic RL as closely as possible" mindset.
Many of the SL blissfully married will insist they enjoy fulfilling relationships in RL as well, and blah blah blah, but I'm still not buying it. Why would you even bother if you had all that in RL? Why would you risk your perfect RL by being unfaithful in SL? 'Cos that's what you're doing, make no bones about it. Don't even try to pretend otherwise. I'm unfaithful, you're unfaithful, we're all unfaithful. That doesn't mean there's no justification or rationale for it; I know of plenty of SL affairs that keep the RL marriage ticking over, and that has be to be better for the children, right? (not including those fugly prim babies, don't even get me started on those. LMAO). The virtual arena provides countless outlets by which one can compensate for something IRL lacking and I, for one, am grateful.
So, we've established that your RL is less than ideal and you've chosen to find yourself a virtual mate. By all means you can choose to believe that your digital wedding is as valid as the real thing, but don't get mad if I smile indulgently at you. [It's what I do when I'm not carping in my blog. ;-)] I'm sorry if it offends you that I don't take your SL nuptials as seriously as you do.
A couple of weeks ago, my neighbour down the hill was intending to pop the question to his girl. Sadly, it all went 'tits up' as such things will. Squashy, being the generous and altruistic soul we know her to be, tried to cheer him up by persuading him to join a naturist club. They danced, chatted and flirted together quite happily, as naked as the day they were rez'd. It appeared that a delicious entanglement might ensue, of the friendly yet casual kind. As far as she was concerned, he was going to be within her SL for the 'forseeable'. A week or so later, and things had gone ominously quiet. A discrete 'cam' down the hill revealed him to be kneeling on the floor, bound and gagged, whilst his new partner whipped him into submissive shape.
I know I should feel pleased that he's happy again, but it all happened so gosh-darned quick! A week's worth of dogging around and he's back in the jug again - only this time it's with RLV in case he makes a strike for freedom. ALL communication with his erstwhile acquaintance has ceased. This is what happens when couples partner up - they drop their old friends like so much crumpled confetti.
Then there's the fact that SL partnering actually closes the door on any number of other meaningful connections that might be made. This is due to the fact that hubby and wife have effectively removed themselves from the "game". Let me put it to you as follows (cue leafy metaphor and purple prosiness) :
I'm alive and open (woot!) and just about anything might happen! I perceive within and around me the potential flowering of an infinite number of exciting possibilities; an extraordinary, multi-scented garden, with a million sunny glades just waiting to be discovered, and a thousand beguiling, shadowy nooks for me to explore. It doesn't matter if I tread on an occasional ants' nest or get my pixellated but perfectly-formed ass snagged on a thorn; it's a temporary blip. Can I help it if I want the whole garden and not just a single bloom? Why *shouldn't* I have it all?
SL marriages get old pretty fast. Inevitably, many will pretend otherwise by going down the old BDSM route (yawn) but, like the marriage itself, it's hardly a convincing substitute for its RL equivalent. Presumably its role is to alleviate the sexual boredom factor for ten minutes, which must be severe. I'd imagine that even the most devoted couples eventually tire of the same old poseball routines.
Surely within this extraordinary second life we might connect with more than just the one person? Shouldn't we at least try? Squashy and I enjoy variety and appreciate difference. We refuse to be boring and we're never ever bored.
FUCK SL PARTNERING!
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