My friend, Xanthe, asked me to write a notecard that she could give to some of the newb guys she's helping out. My initial thought was 'rather her than me'. Helping newbs is about as enjoyable as tooth extraction, only infinitely slower and the pain is more drawn out. Note that i differentiate between 'newbs' and 'noobs'. They don't become 'noobs' until they've made their first unwanted sexual advance, bobbing up, sans AO, in front of some unsuspecting female. They don't seem to realise that they can IM from a distance but rather loom up in front of one like a sartorially challenged jack-in-the-box. In short, they've all the social flare of your average dung beetle.
Xanthe knows everything there is to know about shape creation, and making your avatar look good -- with one exception. And this is where i come in. 'Cos if there's one thing i'm qualified to speak about it's the SL penis. I'm sure i could witter on for hours about the different varieties available and their various functions, but i'll keep it brief. The following is for the gentlemen out there, as well as the not-so-gentle (equal footing, level playing field and all that). Should you follow the advice below, it's guaranteed you'll look at least halfway respectable in the tackle department; I'll bring the sandwiches, you bring the rod. Actually, let's not do that. I have a partner to think of, you know. ;-)
The following comprises the notecard i wrote for Xanthe's newb guys, and i hope it may be of use.
******
Male "Attachments" and Where to Purchase
Unless you've got your eyes sewn shut you'll have noticed that Linden Lab omitted a certain something when they created the default male avatar. By design or accident, your newly rez'd friend lacks one essential piece of equipment.
As ludicrous as it sounds, you're going to have to BUY your own rod / wand / stick / insert coy euphemism here. Even if you don't see yourself using it straightaway, chances are that at some point you'll be looking to acquire one. PLEASE, if you buy nothing else, DO purchase a quality "attachment". The freebie ones simply aren't up to the job and they look ridiculous. .All women know a "freenis" when they see one and we scoff at them. We're too polite to say anything, but we're masters of the secret smirk. How else to conceal our disappointment? Worse, we laugh at you for thinking you can get away with it.
To help you out, i've copied in a few useful landmarks where you can pick up something that won't get you laughed out of the bedroom. Not only do these attachments look somewhat realistic, they're scripted to do everything a real penis does. You can re-size, re-position and re-colour to your heart's content. Most - if not all - come with a hud to enable you to match the colour of your new toy to the rest of your skin. This is an absolute MUST -- an orange cock isn't going to get you very far, no matter how generous the proportions. Get the colour right and you're halfway there. Get the dimensions correct (i.e., proportionate to your frame and not hung like the proverbial horse) and success is practically guaranteed. It only remains for you to get the girl. :-)
The Landmarks:
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Virtual%20Artworks/86/167/24
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Midnight%20Lotus/138/62/27
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Qoltar/224/182/26
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/REALASM/170/171/432
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Eventide%20East/108/125/35
Final Word:
As with so much else in our wonderful Second Lives, there's an etiquette to using / wearing an attachment. You shouldn't be wearing your cock anywhere other than on Adult rated land; Mature land is generally considered OK if it's within the privacy of your own home.
Running around with an erection and "flashing" it at random females will make you look like the worst kind of noob. Doing this on PG land will get you booted, as well as a possible AR. Don't do it.
Last but not least, DO have a wonderful, enjoyable and sexy SL. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavours. :-)
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